insomnia sometimes leads to bad shopping choices.

i like sleeping at night. i like tv. i like shopping. i don't like when i can't sleep at night; but when i can't, i like that i can enjoy tv and shopping. here enter infomercials and shopping networks. i am a fan of them all. from the high quality productions made by guthy-renker and QVC to the cheaply produced favorites that include, but are certainly not limited to, any of kevin trudeau's questionable discoveries and the dual action cleanse program, which is hosted by klee irwin, who eerily resembles john waters.


i can watch ron popeil for hours making chocolate pasta, setting his chicken and forgetting it after he injects it with flavor (he even has qvc alum, steve bryant, forgetting about the chicken with him now), spray painting his bald spot, making turkey jerky and going on an impromptu fishing trip. i so enjoy being hypnotized by the eyebrows on the juiceman, jack kordich, although my loyalty remains with jack lelaine. pulling a semi while rocking a one-piece, belted pantsuit always wins my heart. who can resist cathy mitchell and her GT Express 101? you know, her kids just love it. now why her kids still live at home, since they have to be at least 45, baffles me. throw in some chef tony, erik estrada selling me prime land parcels on beautiful lake shastina, chuck norris completing a solid workout on the total gym while magically keeping his toupee in place, the man with english accent who sounds so smart when selling his red devil grill and a little bit of greer childers; no wonder i can't sleep at night.

i have actually been lured to make purchases--some of which were better choices than others.

best infomercial buys:

1. proactiv: judith light--or as tony danza would say, "ANN-JUH-LUH!"--convinced me to buy it after watching her pushing it on qvc. i have used proactiv for about 7 years now and am often stopped in public by strangers and asked what i use on my skin. when i tell them of the virtues of proactiv, people often ask incredulously, "that stuff on tv?" i can't express enough how great this product is for me. i have converted many people.
2. oxyclean: it works! actually, anything i have tried that is endorsed by billy mays is a winner, with exception to kaboom for toilets. maybe my toilet bowl is bigger than industry standard, but that stuff does not foam up like he claims.
   

decent purchases:

1. the firm (the one with the bench step): i fell for this one since the infomercial was full of southern girls talking about how the program got their bodies in the best shape ever. being a southern girl, too, i figured, "well, they wouldn't lie to me!" i can say that if it didn't blow out my knees, which were bad from years of running, this would have made the short list of best purchases.
   
2. windsor pilates. if it is good enough for daisy fuentes, it is good enough for me. i grew bored of it, but it was good while it lasted.
   

if it didn't work once, why did i try again purchase:

1. the firm (the one with the weights): i don't claim the firm as being a bad product, but blame my lack of sense for buying it... again. i have no idea why i thought this would be any better on my knees than the last version. these women obviously like exercises that strain bad knees. to make up for the lack of a bench, now they just squat and lunge constantly. also, their accents that i once found to be cute are just now annoying and grating. i am sure this would be a great program for those without knees like those of an 85 year-old, retired carpenter.
   

the worst purchase ever:

1. six second abs: yes. for shame, i fell sucker to this concraption. i paid about $60 for some piece of plastic with rubber bands on it. too embarrassed to try to resell it on craigslist (then someone would have to pick it up and see the idiot who bought it in the first place), i just dropped it off at the goodwill truck and sped off before the guy receiving it could see my face.

the yet to be determined purchase:

1. zumba fitness: the first time i watched this, i couldn't stop laughing at the weird little dude who invented it. he goes by "beto." i was secretly intrigued and decided to watch it again the next time i flipped on it. finding the idea of holding little cha cha sticks and dancing around like one of jlo's uncoordinated backup dancers intriguing, i ordered it. the verdict is out since i haven't received it yet, but i am feeling good about it. hey, if d-listers like eva la rue, stacey keibler and vivica fox approve, it must be great! i would never believe that they just were hard up for a few bucks and some tv time. never!
   

so, do you have any favorites that i must know about?