soon you will be mine.

after years of admiration, can't wait to meet you and hang out with you more often. we are going to have a lot of fun, kid.

i just hope u.s. postal service will not responsible for your whereabouts. i shudder at the thought.

a plea to my postal carrier.

dear postal worker:

why must you always give me the mail of others instead of mine? i really don't need to know what the credit card balance is for the lady across the street. i don't need to get the postcard reminding the guy next door that he is due for his semi-annual dental exam. ewwww, i really didn't need to see that one catalog that didn't belong to me. okay, while i didn't mind getting the "bon appetit" that was meant to go into the box 4 spots above, did you really need to tear up my "us weekly" in exchange? i will give you some credit that you managed to deliver it to me in some form that week. did you have to lose a pile of my bills? where is my "instyle?" with all the proper deliveries i make of the mail i am receiving, i feel like i am working, unpaid, for your employer. please, u.s. postal worker, spare me the grief and get some eye glasses. i am sure your government funded insurance plan includes vision, right?

signed,

desperately seeking mail