what can brown do for me? apparently, not much.

dear ups driver:

being a modern gal, i like my living quarters to be equipped with all the finest in newfangled technologies--a garage door opener, an electric dishwasher, etc. one of the fanciest contraptions i have is this thing called a doorbell. it is quite nice. if someone pushes it, it makes a very audible noise that lets me know that someone is at the other side of the door. what a concept! like the united states postal service, through rain, sleet, snow or gloom of night, the doorbell always delivers on its promise to make a loud noise when someone pushes the button. so why is it, dear ups driver, that you refuse to try out this handy invention? okay, i know advances in modern technology can be scary things, but there is always the backup option if it is too much to handle all at once--knocking the door. from where i have situated myself all day waiting for this delivery that i have to sign for, i could have heard that, too. from where i was in my house i was even able to hear your truck drive away after you slapped a "UPS InfoNotice" on my door telling me that you have made your final attempt and that nobody answered. i would have been more than happy to answer had you made me aware that you were at the other side of my door.

next time, you know what brown can do for me? ring the damned doorbell.

signed,

desperately seeking my delivery

my type of news

this news from the onion is worthy of posting here since it is most newsworthy.

i have always found the onion to be my favorite hard-hitting news provider.

happy columbus day.